Let me just come back to one of my previous posts on assertiveness. Assertiveness is sporadic in nature and there is one more moot point in here and that is "relationship". Behavior differs in every situation and in every relationship. Say, one could be befittingly assertive with one's friends but becomes submissive with one's love.
Normally, I have seen people submissive in two ways. One, as a fear of losing the loved ones. Second is when you don't want to enter into any kind of trouble, so you timidly gulp the cacophonous acidic words. The normal tendency is to get aggressive during a tense situation. So how to handle it? Ignoring isn't a bad idea until a certain limit. Now again, what should be termed as a "limit"?
There are two domains, public and a private domain. Lets say, while introducing yourself in a new place, you talk about your public profile. With your friends, you share your personal profile. Likewise, you are comfortable till a general leg-pulling but until some big-mouth starts passing personal comments. This means that someone is trying to infiltrate your private domain without your consent. That is the time when you should assert by putting your message across about prohibiting the pervasion. That is, telling the person about the hit, the damage and the repair. For instance, a person insults you. Tell him, "The words that you have used is not appreciated, I have felt hurt and I request you to apologize." (Assertiveness says that you can only request, neither can order nor demand.)
P.S. : Don't try the above during a street fight.
When it comes to love relationship, fight the fear of losing your partner, get courageous and put forward your viewpoint in a humble way. Believe me, your partner would never think of leaving you.
Normally, I have seen people submissive in two ways. One, as a fear of losing the loved ones. Second is when you don't want to enter into any kind of trouble, so you timidly gulp the cacophonous acidic words. The normal tendency is to get aggressive during a tense situation. So how to handle it? Ignoring isn't a bad idea until a certain limit. Now again, what should be termed as a "limit"?
There are two domains, public and a private domain. Lets say, while introducing yourself in a new place, you talk about your public profile. With your friends, you share your personal profile. Likewise, you are comfortable till a general leg-pulling but until some big-mouth starts passing personal comments. This means that someone is trying to infiltrate your private domain without your consent. That is the time when you should assert by putting your message across about prohibiting the pervasion. That is, telling the person about the hit, the damage and the repair. For instance, a person insults you. Tell him, "The words that you have used is not appreciated, I have felt hurt and I request you to apologize." (Assertiveness says that you can only request, neither can order nor demand.)
P.S. : Don't try the above during a street fight.
When it comes to love relationship, fight the fear of losing your partner, get courageous and put forward your viewpoint in a humble way. Believe me, your partner would never think of leaving you.
3 comments:
hmm...well it's the question of viewpoint...at times ur silence is a sign of ur failure ;at times ur silence is sign of one's patience..at times it's sign of the storm coming..at times a sign of respect..so depending upon who ur dealing with the assertiveness..aggressivemess..submissiveness changes....
well i agree with Ambi
to start with, what u have written makes sense... but definitely their and nuances to assertiveness which u might want to talk about in future similar topics...
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